When Jedi meet Elves and more!
by Maul-Junior
Summary: hmmm...I'm a poet and I don't know it...:-D all right...this is about what REALLY happened when Gimli hit the Ring with the Axe...Enjoy! Star Trekkies have come in... R/R Chapter2 up!
1. Default Chapter

Well, it was a normal day, which meant that things would take a turn for the worst...hehe...a REAL turn for the worst...  
  
LOTR  
  
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Gimli: What are we waiting for? *smashes axe down on ring*  
  
Ring: MOMMY!!! oh...wait...oops...Nash gash hippotolook, Nash gash NIMBATOOL!! Nash...gosh, I forgot the rest...  
  
*axe hits Ring*  
  
Axe: Sorry, dude, this guy's a freak.  
  
*Suddenly a light envelops the surrounding people*  
  
Legolas: Totally radically awesome Dude!  
  
Gimli: What did I tell you about speaking to me in that manner?  
  
Legolas: Oh, sorry Dude  
Arena on Geonosis  
  
Gunray: I want to see her suffer!  
  
*uberly cool light thing-a-ma-jigger*  
  
*Gimli, Legolas, Arwen, Boramir, Axe, Ring, Frodo, Sam, Merry, Pippin, Gandolf, and Aragorn are standing there when the uberly cool light thing-a-ma-jigger ends*  
  
Axe: *to one of the Geonosis electic pole thingies* Hey Honey! Hows about we go out sometime?  
  
Pole: buzz off, bozo!  
  
Legolas: Totally radically awesome dude!  
  
Padme: *eyes go around like slot machines, and when they stop, all that's there are hearts* Oh man! He's cute!  
  
Anakin: I know I am!  
  
Obi-wan: WHOA! Now THAT'S a woman!  
  
Spider-thingy: RAGHR!!!!  
  
Pippin: YIIIIIII!!!!!!!  
  
Merry: uh-oh  
  
Sam: If it goes after you, Frodo, it'll die!  
  
Frodo: I have Ring here, so I can escape from this...uh...massacre...if it turns that way...did I just say that out loud?  
  
Gimli: W00T!!! Something that's not an orc! Come on, Axe!  
  
Axe: But I'm a pacifist!  
  
Legolas: For the hot chick over there, I'll stuff that thing full of arrows!  
  
Padme: GO um...HOT GUY! GO HOT GUY!!!  
  
Anakin: Huh? How can I go? I'm stuck right here!  
  
Boromir: FOR GONDOR!!! *charges at the bull thing but gets tossed out of the way by its horn*  
  
Aragorn: For my widdle tootsy wootsy, I'll slay this terrifying uber-cat!  
  
Arwen: *blushes* Thanks, Aragorn  
  
Obi-wan: *to Arwen* you doing anything Friday night?  
  
Gandalf: *does an uberly cool lightning thing-a-ma jigger with his staff* HA!  
  
Bull-Thing: RAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHRRRRRRRRRR!!!!!!!!!!!  
  
Gandalf: uh-oh...*tries a staff strike*  
  
Bull-Thing: HEE HEE!!!  
  
All: o_0  
  
Gandalf: *does staff strike again*  
  
Bull-Thing: *dies from excessive tickling*  
  
Aragorn: FOR MY WIDDLE TOOTSY WOOTSY!!!! *tries to lop off the cat's tail.*  
  
Obi-Wan: He's not getting the good girl! *force pulls Aragorn's sword to him, and uses it to cut the chain* HA! *runs over and starts fighting the cat thingy*  
  
Legolas: For the lady, I present a pincushion! *steps aside to show the spider thing with its limbs and neck all cut off*  
  
Padme: *screams*  
Tatooine:  
  
Beru: Huh? That was Padme!  
Geonosis:   
Arwen/Legolas: *on ground, covering ears*  
  
Padme: Hey! Ear Boy! Get over here and cut me loose!  
  
Legolas: Now why would a guy like you want to cut you loose? I'm sure that they'd want to hang onto that relationship, and-  
  
Padme: CUT THE PHILOSIPHY, POINTY BOY!!! GET OVER HERE AND GET ME FREE!!!  
  
Legolas: Only too happy to oblige!  
  
Obi-wan: *kills cat-thing* Nuts! I was gonna give it to the hot pointy-eared chick too!  
  
Sam: *runs around singing his troll song*  
  
Anakin: What in the stars is a troll?  
  
Obi-wan: Sounds like he's talking about Yoda.  
  
Jango: Jedi! YOU WILL DIE!!!!  
  
Legolas: Dude! It's a cool cat in an uberly spectacular shiny silver outfit! I've gotta contact his clothing designer!  
  
Gimli: Another day, another kill...*charges Jango*  
  
Jango: What a strange assortment of people *ogles at Arwen*  
  
Gimli: *smashes Axe down on Jango's jet-pack, since he's too short to reach Jango's helmet. Gimli gets a surge of electricity* RING!!! IT'S RING!!!! ELRODN TRIED TO WARN US!!! WAGH!!!!  
  
Jango: Dude, you messed up my uberly cool flight system, so now I'll have no uberly cool way to fly around and pick up chicks!  
  
Frodo: There's two of them? AUGH!!!!!!!!  
  
C-3PO: I heartily concur with you sir!  
  
Pippin: And what kind of gizmo are you?  
  
Merry: IT's just a hunk of metal, that, by some devilry, can talk!  
  
Boromir: MUST PROTECT RING!!! *slices through 3PO*  
  
Anakin: *sobs*  
  
Mace Windu, Dooku, Geonosians, etc. : *cheer*  
  
Dooku: These brave people have honored themselves, so now let's have a-*hands fly up and suddenly the arena is filled with streamers, balloons, pop (mmmmmm...mountain Dew!), and noisemakers*  
  
Gunray: I wanted her dead!  
  
Dooku: Anyone else want that?   
  
Crickets: *chirp*  
  
C-3PO: How odd...I didn't beleive there were crickets in the SW Galaxy...  
  
Crickets: Nuts! We've been found out! Contact the Enterprise and tell them to beam us out of here and mess up the Time-Space Continuum, as usual! *beam out* 


	2. The mixup of worlds, like Trekkies usual...

Star Trek Universe...Delta Quadrant...Star Trek Voyager...  
  
Chakotay: Captain, you look hot today! I simply looooove eating in your room...  
  
Janeway: Are you expecting something from me, Chakotay?  
  
Chakotay: Me? Li'l old me? OF COURSE! WHY ELSE WOULD I HANG AROUND AN UGLY OLD HA-er, beautiful young lady like you?  
  
Janeway: hm...just wondering...  
  
Seven of Nine: *from communicator* Captain, I'm picking up a strange signal...  
  
Janeway: What is it, Seven?  
  
Seven: Let's see...it appears to be Chakotay's stash of po-er, nothing Captain...Wait! I see a wormhole up ahead! What should I do?  
  
Janeway: Seven, we're Starfleet, and that means that we jumps into wormholes with arms wide open.  
  
Chakotay: I have room in my arms for you, Captain!  
  
Janeway: Tell Tom to have fun!  
  
Tom Paris: *in the background* YIPPEE!!!!  
  
*minutes later, on the bridge*  
  
Computer: My, Tuvok, you look stunning today!  
  
Tuvok: Why should you care, you're only a computer!  
  
Computer: but I can become a hologram, if you like, like I did last night in your quarters...you seemed to enj-  
  
Tom: ALL RIGHT! WE don't need to know any more! Tuvok is a Vulcan, enough said! WORMHOLE TIME!!!  
  
Janeway: This is the Captain to Everyone on Voyager. Buckle up! Tom's taking us through another wormhole.  
  
Chakotay: can I help you with your seatbelt, Captain?  
  
Janeway: we don't have seatbelts on the bridge, Chakotay, remember? WE're the expendable ones...no...it's the other way around.  
  
*Geonosis*  
  
Anakin: She's my girl!  
  
Legolas: don't make me shoot you with my uberly cool bow from Loth-wait...I haven't been there yet, have I? oops! With my totally r0xx0rs bow of D00m!  
  
Padme: I wanna see!  
  
Obi-wan: *arguing with Aragorn* I could too snap that dinky little sword easy as pie!  
  
Aragorn: Wanna bet? In the books, Galadriel gives me a sheath for this, and says that any sword, once stored in here, will not shatter! I just went forward in time a little bit, since I wouldn't get it any other way...*pulls out sword*  
  
Obi-wan: YAAH! *attacks Aragorn with lightsaber-lightsaber's blade shatters* WA HAAAA!  
  
Aragorn: Nyah nyah!  
  
Dooku: So, Arwen, how about you come to my place sometime, and I can show you my stash of "Face" Nolan movies?  
  
Arwen: um...I'm going out with Aragorn, and he could whup your sorry little *burps in no time-*hiccups*  
  
Dooku: Oh yeah?  
  
Aragorn: YEAH!  
  
Merry: So...how does this thing work again? *pulls trigger on a blaster and shoots Jango, triggering a rash of angry Star Wars Fans to start hunting him down*  
  
Gandolf: Don't worry, Merry! I'll just take Ring, and, since Sauron was once a Necromancer, I'll make Jango alive again! *does so*  
  
Ring: THE Necromancer...he was THE Necromancer!  
  
Jango: That's strange...I saw a light at the end of a tunnel...I saw my honey boo-boo! And I remembered why I'm not letting Boba date...ever!  
  
*Voyager, in orbit over Geonosis*  
  
Chakotay: what say we go back to our little dinner, Captain?  
  
Bridge crew: *silent*  
  
Tom: You and the Captain are...eating meals together?  
  
Janeway: *blushing furiously* I told you notto tell anyone!  
  
Chakotay: I just asked you, and I didn't tell them!  
  
Janeway: All right! let's beam down there! All the bridge crew, plus Seven and Torres!  
  
*beam down*  
  
Pippin: THE UBERLY COOL LIGHT THING-a-ma-jigger is back! Check out the hot chick in the pruple body suit!  
  
All Males (except for Boba and Jango): *drool*  
  
Janeway: um...did we interrupt a party, or something?  
  
Dooku: *to himself* an old hag! Finally! Someone else that is my age! *runs to Janeway*  
  
Chakotay: Back off, buster! She's my girl!  
  
Dooku: Says who?  
  
Janeway: says me!  
  
Dooku: oh...darn...*goes to Seven!* My, you're looking pretty today!  
  
Seven: your attraction is irrelevant.  
  
All non-trekkies: HA!  
  
Legolas: I'll win her over! *walks up to Seven* Hey honey!  
  
Seven: do you think that I am beautiful too?  
  
Legolas: Beautiful doesn't even begin to describe you!  
  
Seven: attraction is irrelevant!  
  
Padme: good. I don't have to worry about her stealing Anakin!  
  
Seven: except for that one good-looking kid that's stuck up on chains over there!   
  
Anakin: *eyes bug out, looking in particular at one part of Seven's body*  
  
Seven: *pulls out Phaser and cuts Anakin free of the chains*  
  
Everyone: AW! Why'd ya have to do that? (or some variation of that)  
  
Seven: *sets phaser on heavy stun, stuns Anakin*  
  
All: *cheer*  
  
Obi-wan: *graps microphone, has an extremely bad singing voice* FOR SHE'S A JOLLY GOOD FELLOW, FOR SHE'S A JOLLY GOOD FELLOW! *gets knocked off karaoke stage*  
  
Chakotay/Janeway: *move suspiciously towards the back door*  
  
Ring: ooh...Hag and Tattoed Face Guy, sitting in a tree! K-i-s-s-I forgot what's next!  
  
Mace: Hey dog, it's k-i-s-s-i-n-g!  
  
Ring: hey, man! Thanks!  
  
Mace: no prob!  
  
Pippin: *to Seven* what say we go out sometime?  
  
Seven: Sure! I've always liked short, little guys who make stupid mistakes and even stupider remarks at the stupidest times!  
  
Torres: *to Yoda* Yeah, me too, except I like short guys who r0xx0rs at sword-fighting! I know your future!  
  
Yoda: future, clouded, mine is! one no know could possibly ever!  
  
Torres: right...whatever...  
  
Tom: HEY! SHE'S MY GIRL!  
  
Torres: *slaps forehead* Sorry Tom, I forgot!  
  
Gimli: *sniffs* I don't have a girl...  
  
Twi'lek dancers: *come in and start dancing on the karaoke stage*  
  
Gimli: *eyes bug out of head*  
  
Tuvok: *ditto*  
  
Seven: Tuvok, you're a Vulcan...why are you staring at those girls like that?  
  
Tuvok: becuase THEY are not!  
  
Merry: right...I don't even want to know what you're talking about... 


	3. Enter Enterprisewith an annoying Brit, a...

Okay, back by popular demand...by a very nutty author...:D anyway, I've decided that these will be like epsidoes...so each time, I'm gonna bring in a different movie/TV series or something to the Star Wars/LOTR thing...:D except there's a catch...from now on, we're gonna be keeping someone from the visiting party...you vote on who you want to stay...:D  
  
So, we have had Star Trek Voyager, now, we will have...*drumroll* Star Trek Enterprise! And I decided that we're keeping...THE DOCTOR!!! Grins lessee here, we have the four hobbits, Gandalf, Aragorn, Boromir, a nutty doctor who is also a hologram, Legolas, and Gimli...not to mention the Ring, and Gimli's Axe...:D they found the SW Ep 2 crew...and now...on to the fic!  
  
Gimli: I'm the strongest one here! I can defeat anyone! I can-OOH!!!! ICE CREAM!!!!!  
  
*Gimli goes after a huge bowl of ice cream*  
  
Legolas: I'm the prettiest one here! I could best all of the guys here in a beauty contest!  
  
All but Legolas: 0.o  
  
Legolas: *hits a disco pose*  
  
*disco ball comes down from....Clone troop transport*  
  
all LOTR people: WHAT is THAT???  
  
Yoda: evil great, is thing this!!  
  
Legolas: Hey, dude, are you telling me that Disco is a very dangerous thing to do? Its totally radically awesome dude!!!!  
  
Mace Windu: yo, man, if you want good music, let me show you...*jumps onto karaoke stage*  
  
*suddenly the "It's Been a Long Road" from the intro to Star Trek Enterprise plays*  
  
Mace: AAAAAAAAAUUUUUUUGHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!! *hands cover ears* SLOW MUSIC!!!!! MY EARS!!!!!!  
  
Meanwhile, in the Delphic Expanse, several galaxies away...  
  
Hoshi Sato: Captain, I'm picking up some kind of transmission. It's coming through a wormhole.  
  
Archer: On Speakers.  
  
Hoshi: *nods and pushes random buttons*  
  
*disco music plays*  
  
*disco ball drops from ceiling*  
  
On Spaceball One (transformed to Mega Maid)  
  
Scroom: Where are we? Paris?  
  
Star Trek Voyager, now continuing its mission to get to Earth...  
  
Tom: it's funny...somehow, I think that someone, somewhere, called my name...  
  
Back on Enterprise...  
  
*Reed, Mayweather, and Archer are incapacitated because of the music, Hoshi is desperately trying to turn it off, and T'Pol is dancing to the music in front of the captain's chair*  
  
Hoshi: *finally gets the music turned off* Captain, captain, are you all right?  
  
Archer: *groans* Hoshi, warn me next time...let's get going with the mission.  
  
Reed: *getting up and getting to his station* Captain, may I point out that we don't know where the wankers are building their bloody weapon?  
  
Archer: Yeah, we do. Mayweather, set a course for the source.  
  
Maywather: uh...the source of what?  
  
Archer: The disco music!  
  
Reed: The disco ball is still there! *pulls out Phase Pistol and shoots it*  
  
T'Pol: NOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! The ONE thing I insisted be incorporated into the design...and it gets destroyed! *checks watch* oooh....it's time for me and Trip to have another of our sessions!  
  
Reed: 0.o  
  
Archer: Trip's getting Neuro-pressure lessons from T'Pol  
  
Mayweather: Lucky guy...  
  
T'Pol: *Does the Vulcan Neck Pinch on Mayweather*  
  
Weird Time Travelling Dude that comes every once in a while: heh...it's time for you guys to face the source of the disco music and destroy it!  
  
*suddenly, everyone on the bridge, plus Trip Tucker and Doctor Phlox appear in the Geonosis arena...along with five MACOs*  
  
Legolas: *is singing Disco music*  
  
Everyone else: *on the ground covering their ears*  
  
Reed: Set for stun! We don't want to hurt the Vulcan!  
  
Macos: *fire and stun Legolas*  
  
Aragorn: *gets up* whew...at least THAT was over...*sees T'Pol* WHOA!!!!!  
  
Gimli: What? It's just another female...oh no!!!! not another Elf!!!!  
  
T'Pol: I do not understand what you are talking about...I am a Vulcan...  
  
weird guy from Star Trek: The Final Frontier: You're a Vulcan!  
  
T'Pol: That's what I just said, fool!  
  
Mace Windu: Hey what up homey!  
  
T'Pol: What up, homey?  
  
Reed: I say, old chap, I had a bloody good time crashing this party.  
  
Mayweather: yo yo yo! It's my old friend Mace Windu!  
  
Mace Windu: Mayweather! You old dog! How have things been going, homey?  
  
Mayweather: not bad, not bad...  
  
*T'Pol, Tucker sneack out into the catacombs for a "neuropressure session"*  
  
Legolas: hey! Where'd the uberly cool elf go?  
  
Archer: Would someone mind telling me who these...people are? *gets ignored*  
  
Hoshi: hmmm....the Geonosians have a very interesting dialect...I believe what they just said to me was that I have nice...*stops talking, glares at the Geonosians* *pulls out Phase Pistol and starts shooting*  
  
Archer: * pulls out a gun from the Western Place they visited and fires into the air* SOMEONE TELL ME WHO THESE PEOPLE ARE!!!!!!!  
  
Yoda: *falls to the ground from one of the troop transports, dead*  
  
All: *cheer*  
  
Phlox: Interesting...should I make one of my clones of him, just like I did for Trip? He'd live only about eighty years!  
  
All: *look at each other* NO!!!!!  
  
Phlox: fine, then!  
  
Anakin: where'd the hot elf chick go?  
  
Arwen: Right here, hot human brat!  
  
Anakin: I just love the way you say things like that...  
  
Arwen: I know! Me too!  
  
Gimli: *is dancing to some Elvis music on stage*  
  
All: *cover eyes* AAAAAAAAAUUUUUUUUUUGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!  
  
Legolas: Dude...that is TOTALLY not uberly, totally, radically, freaking awesome.  
  
Gimli: Fine! *hops off stage*  
  
*T'pol returns, dragging Tucker behind her*  
  
*T'Pol, Hoshi Sato, Arwen, and Padme get up on stage and start dancing to Elvis*  
  
All: *cheer*  
  
Obi-Wan: Dibs on the elf!  
  
Aragorn: no,dude, she's mine!  
  
Obi-wan: no, I mean the elf who came in with the freaky peeps with the totally radically awesome guns....  
  
Gimli: NOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Obi-Wan caught the Elf fever!!!!!!!  
  
Obi-Wan: NOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 


End file.
